"SPRING CLEANING"
Sometime back in April, I realized that summer would soon be here and I had not given a moment's thought about spring-cleaning. This yearly ritual of airing out the old, dusting, and maintenance had escaped my thought process entirely. Cleaning has never been one of my favorite tasks, although I know many women who revel in this and take great pride in the accomplishment of clearing closets, bureaus, and even polishing the garden hose. This makes me wonder if I am lacking in some particular gene that other women possess and I do not.
Seeking motivation, I turned to the Internet and was amazed at how many people have published information on cleaning. There were approximately 637,000 sites on spring-cleaning! Is there some sort of obsessive-compulsive cleaning cult at work out there?
A particularly unnerving site is called "Spring Cleaning for Real Women." Which explains how to "brush bacteria from the bathroom", among other things. Some of the articles I read even suggest how proud and fulfilled you will be after the cleaning is done. I read a book about women who felt this way and I recall throwing it across the room when I read the last sentence. I mean really, I thought THE STEPFORD WIVES was a work of fiction!
One of the first things I read suggested that you make a list of things that need to be done. This did not sound like a bad idea at all so I diligently, and with the best of intentions, began to compile a list of chores that I needed to do. After having written for an hour and filling three pages of legal size paper I read what I had written, realized that I was now exhausted and took a nap.
Two weeks later, as I was moving a stack of magazines from the desk, I ran across the legal pad with the list of cleaning chores to be done. As I re-read the list, I began to edit things that I felt were not necessary.
I marked out "clean closets" and wrote "close closet doors", which I promptly did to feel the accomplishment of having marked something off the list as one of the articles suggested.
Closing the doors did make me feel better so I moved to the second item on the list, which was "clean utility room". I walked into the utility room, scanned the piles of dirty laundry, fishing gear, nuts, bolts, buckets of drywall, and closed the door. I then marked it off the list! Done!
Wow! This wasn't going to be hard at all! I moved to item three on my list, "sweep cobwebs".
I grabbed the broom and started looking about the room. I was just getting ready to make my first swipe when I realized that I was about to make a great mistake. Those cobwebs could be part of the creative design of my home decor. If I left them, there they would be great decorations for Halloween. When that particular holiday had passed, I could spray them with glitter hairspray and they would make a wonderful Christmas decoration.
Then my mind really began to work! Why sweep them down at all? I could just keep changing decorations. I could attach tiny hearts for Valentine's Day, shamrocks, and even small flags for patriotic occasions.
It was then that I realized that spring-cleaning is one of the greatest mistakes of my age. We are wasting a valuable resource for learning and creativity. I am now approaching the spring-cleaning ritual from a completely different perspective. Save those cobwebs for decorations. The mold is great for science projects to be viewed under a microscope. Dust bunnies, to my knowledge, have never attacked anyone, and it is much easier to close the door than to have injuries from falling objects treated at the emergency room.
I suppose those Internet sites on cleaning are correct. I do feel so very fulfilled and satisfied. I am proud of myself for my new approach to an age-old ritual. I even have a warm feeling that Erma Bombeck is in heaven smiling down on me right now.Diana Meade, ŠJune 2002
