What Goes Around, Comes Around
* a tale of sweaty bodies and disheveled sheets, of endless nights and restless sleep and revenge.
I’ve been in bed with Captain Trips for the past 4 days and nights and trust me when I say that ‘he’ is not a tender bed mate. What’s more, it seems that I have become El Capitán’s favorite plaything! ‘He’ has visited me twice in the past 3 months and his attention has become quite disturbing. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I find myself compelled, driven by a physical need to seek solace in one particular room, the bathroom.
Yes, I have once again been plagued by ‘the flu’. Not just any old flu but The flu, the dreadful and powerful norovirus to be specific. Okay, so it is not exactly flu but let’s not quibble over semantics. The reality is that the feeling is miserable, I’ve been miserable and I have done my best to level the playing field by making everyone within shouting distance as miserable as I am. Now if you’re wondering why I would want to make everyone around me miserable, it’s because they deserve it. I didn’t bring about this affliction upon myself; one of them brought it to me and someone is going to pay.
There are times when I have to wonder if it’s not a conspiracy to do the ‘old lady’ in. Are they scheming via Menendez Brothers or are they as devious as Claus von Bülow? I hedge my bet to think it is the von Bulow method that drives them and they are plotting to use germ warfare to bring about my early demise. This theory could explain why they are so remiss about cleaning up after themselves, why they ignore dirty dishes under the bed and wet towels on the floor and god forbid I even think about where their hands have been…
Well I’ve got news for them, it won’t work. I am onto them and I intend to launch a counter assault. As soon as the fever breaks, I am going to bleach every surface in this house! Every door knob, and phone, every counter, every handle and while I’m at it, if I catch them looking away, I will even give them a good spritz.
To hell with waiting, I will do it now! They think they can get rid of me so easily, I will show them. I will not be von Bulowed by those nasty boys! No, I am not delirious!
Now where is that dog, it’s time for his bath.
©Diana Meade
January 14, 2007